While we tend to think that crushes only happen to tweens and One Direction fans, the truth is they happen to grown women, too.
“We have all had them and will likely continue to do so all of our lives,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist.
There’s a reason for that: Crushes are awesome. They get our hearts racing and give us something fun to fantasize about. But sometimes, they can be heartbreaking—especially when your crush doesn’t feel the same way.
While Durvasula says it’s possible for an unrequited crush to eventually turn into an actual relationship with time and familiarity, most of the time it isn’t going to happen. And unrequited crushes can turn harmful when they leave a woman feeling anxious, preoccupied, or stressed out, says Durvasula. They can also make women (and men) do kind of dumb things, like making your feelings known even though your crush has a significant other (which can cause backlash in a big way) and won’t necessarily bring anyone any closure.